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February 9th, 2008

09:49 am - An Open Letter To Applebees
Dear Applebees,

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a talking apple voiced by Wanda Sykes is likely to keep everybody away.

Think about it.


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December 14th, 2007

04:53 am - Archer & Jenkins: PI: Episode 2: Part 1

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December 11th, 2007

02:28 am - Nic's Bio
I was recently asked to come up with a bio for myself to be put into programs for the Complete works of William Shakespeare: Abbridged show I'm going to be in in February. These are normally really big wanks and self congratualtory drivel. I tried my best to steer clear of that nonsense:

Nicholas B. Dressel hails from Muskegon, Michigan, where he, after a brief stint in Hollywood, is back to living at his mother's house and working at the same job he's had since high school, a projectionist at the Cinema Carousel. His ample frame has graced various hometown stages in his career, like Muskegon Community College's Overbrook Theater and the Frauenthal, in such shows as "Annie Get Your Gun", "Gypsy", "Working, the Musical", "The Comedy of Errors", "Gross Indecency: The three trials of Oscar Wilde", "Jacob Marley's Christmas Carol", and "Return to Forbidden Planet". Nicholas is single and seems doomed to remain that way, but not for lack of trying. His interests include: reading, writing, knitting, scrabble, trivia, and filmmaking. He runs a weekly improv group that makes short films, including the show he is currently producing, "Archer & Jenkins: PI" which can be found on Youtube.

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December 10th, 2007

02:30 am - Archer & Jenkins: PI: Complete Pilot: Part 2 of 2

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December 9th, 2007

02:08 am - Archer & Jenkins: PI: Pilot episode: Part 1 of 2

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December 8th, 2007

12:41 pm - My little bro performing a scene from Pulp Fiction

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December 6th, 2007

04:21 am - A Pleasure, Miss...

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November 29th, 2007

04:08 am - Dropped Call Commercial Parody

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November 22nd, 2007

01:36 pm - #5 Debate of the Titans: Thanksgiving

A Commie Holiday?

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10:28 am - Cookin' Pies with My Mom

A special thanksgiving video, to help you feel the magic that I feel around the holidays.

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November 21st, 2007

08:24 pm - Success Secrets from a Seven Year Old

My Li'l Bro's Internet Debut!

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03:58 am - #3 Debate of the Titans: Hitler V. Anne Frank

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November 17th, 2007

04:39 am - #2 Debate of the Titans: Beowulf

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November 16th, 2007

09:36 pm - #1 Debate of the Titans: Writer's Strike

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November 7th, 2007

02:02 am - The Thinkin Man's Quandry

My shelves are full of it. My floor shares the burden. So does my closet. There is a certain percentage of it that has never been read. Treasures yet to be discovered, or drivel deserving of the dust they've aquired? I'll be the judge in the end. I pretty much have a half a year's worth of new reading material if I take my time.

So tell me this, if that is the case, why must I buy a new book everytime I go to Barnes and Noble?

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November 6th, 2007

03:37 am - Requiem for My Cat's Manhood
Shooey Lewis's Balls: 2006-2007

Once you had it all
Riding astride a ginger cat
Two round furries
Pride personified

Nature had a purpose for you
To put a cat's mind on kitties
But Alas! thinking about the birds and the fleas
Caused you to spray on Mom's bed five times

Did you have any clue what was coming
on that fateful car ride?
That this was your last day as a man?
That all your dreams of being a dad are-




Do not cry for them.
Those balls lived more in a year
than most balls live in two years.

To the pair that once was:
I salute you!

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September 18th, 2007

05:04 am - The near murder of Baby Andrea
When my sister was a baby, I tried to kill her in her sleep. Silently, I entered the darkness of her pink bedroom. Pulling a chair up next to her crib to stand on, as I was three at the time and short, I grabbed a pillow, and began to smother her. I would have got away with it too, if it weren’t for my meddling father. A few seconds in, my near homicide was discovered and quickly punished by what must have been the equivalent of 20 to life in spankings.

My mother, or attorney for the defense, thought this was harsh and unjust, and began to argue my side. I couldn’t have been doing what he claimed I’d been doing, I was just kissing her good night, or watching her sleep.

In that brief moment they were distracted, I went back to finish the deed. There was no denying it that time, I wanted her dead. I was again spanked and given the maximum sentence: Early bed time with no possibility of parole.

In truth, I remember none of this. This is what I’ve pieced together from the comical retellings of my mother. I wish I could remember. What was my motive? Simple jealousy doesn’t seem to fit, and none of my earliest memories contain any trace of blood lust.

I can, perhaps, sympathize with my young counterpart. Babies quite often do seem to have it coming. They scream, they cry, they puke, and all the while demand that you feed them, dress them, and clean their feces with your bare hands. You cater to their every whim with not so much as a thank you, or anything more than a bodily fluid of some sort in gratitude. I would even be so bold as to state that, if babies weren’t babies, they would all have been murdered years ago. But babies are babies, and therefore can’t be held responsible. They will, hopefully, grow out of that behavior and then could go on to become anything.

My sister has grown up to be, not quite a perfect person. Not all bad, not all good. She has done quite a lot to hurt our family and me these past few years by not making the wisest of choices. She is aware of this, but does not seem keen on fixing things. Endless apologies and tears, but with no change in actions. She always was stubborn.

That, however, is not the full story of Andrea. There has been much that has transpired between her being the dark haired little girl in a crib I tried to kill to her being the scratchy voiced woman I recently informed that we are not celebrating her birthday this year. Those are just the unpleasant bookends to a story that is full of friendship, laughter, and love.

So I will say this, no matter how much pain she has caused us, or will ever bring to us, I am glad I failed in my over-late abortion. If for no other reason than the memory of growing up with a beautiful, kind, semi-chubby, and hilarious girl who was my little sister and my best friend. I miss that girl, and await her return.

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September 7th, 2007

03:56 am - A pleasant compromise between extremes
Quote of the Day: "There is a difference between racism and cornbread."

I don't really have much to say, except that tomorrow I have another rehearsal in Holland, and that I haven't really studied my lines this week.

There was a bit of a confrontation between my sis and I, but let's not get into that.

I have a DJ gig this saturday, which is good because I'm not getting many cinema hours. I don't blame anyone, it's the slow season and I'm a busy guy.

I've been going to the movies a lot lately with Sofie. She is several kinds of cool, and the sayer of said Q of the D.

Been rushing though seasons of things. Dexter(Awesome!), Lost season 3(Midway through with fam, the love it, i re-love it) Deadwood(just started it and am waiting for Rob to have a day off) and Simpsons season 7 with audio commentary(always good).

Trying to get restarted writing again. I have a few irons in the fire, it's just hard to get the fire hot when I'm doing other things.

I've come to a bit of a realization about some people, maybe some people are more happy being smothered and trapped than they are being lonely. Personally, I hope I can find a happy medium.

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August 19th, 2007

01:45 pm - A Post A-Potter-Lyptic World
Harry Potter. He is a much beloved wizard. Some would argue that he may be the most popular fictional character ever who happens to be affiliated with Satan. Coming in a close second and third would be Jingles the Underfed Zombie and Winnie the Pooh.

Many of us Potter fans have just been on quite an adventure, reading and enjoying the last installment of the series, Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows. The “Deathly Hallows” in question, refer to that empty feeling that many of us have in the base of our souls now that there is no more books to look forward to.

”My life has lost all meaning now that they are done”, says novelty t-shirt salesman, Eric Abrams. “I mean, what am I going to do with all of these, ‘Harry Potter: These books will never end!’ Shirts? Whose gonna buy these now?” Who, indeed.

What will we do now that the Hogwarts express has set of to that giant King’s cross station in the sky? Sure, suicide is an option, but as a good friend pointed out to me last week as I had a pistol in my mouth, “If you commit suicide now, you won’t be able to see the last two movies.” He’s a good friend.

Well, what to do then?!

”You could always go out for a walk!” says my unsympathetic sister. “Or, you know, you could go back to school, make something of your life instead of wallowing around here, doing nothing but reading those books over and over and eating the last of my cheetos. God! You are such a Loser! Get A Life!” Perhaps she is right. Perhaps she can label her food if she doesn’t want me eating it.

So, If we keep in mind that two movies are still looming, and also that J. K. might write something else that will capture the world’s imagination, we may just be alright! Me, in just four easy weeks, I can be a massage therapist! Anybody need a rub down? Me rub you long time.

-Nicholas Dressel

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August 11th, 2007

01:39 am - Hit the hay-ku
Naps are quite lovely
A cool breeze from the window
The soft hum of fans

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August 9th, 2007

04:11 am - My Pre-emptive Review of The Gameplan
Hey guys. As some of you might know, I'm writing for Trey's website interbytes.org as their movie cricket. I'm doing something a bit different though. Instead of watching movies and reviewing them, I'm going to review them without watching them. Because some of them suck. My reviews are only based on the trailer and other pre-release advertising(thus far at least). Here is my first one about "The Gameplan".

I called it:

The LAMEplan

Oh, Dwayne Johnson… must you continue to make movies? The upcoming release of “The Rock”s new movie, The Game Plan has got me on the edge of vomiting. In this film, Joe Kingman, NFL toughguy discovers that he has a daughter that he never knew existed. So it’s Gridiron Gang meets Big Daddy. I’m going to guess that is how it was pitched.

Sure, I could wait till this movie comes out and review it then, as unbiased as you would imagine I would be, but no. There is no need.
I know this movie is going to be horrible, simply based on the trailer, and I certainly do not intend on viewing this movie, even if the ticket is free, I do not wish to kill off the precious few brain cells I have left. Let me site a few examples of why I know this will be another polished Disney sports turd before I attempt to turn you away from this film.

Now, I believe that a trailer, ideally, should be bits and pieces of some of the best scenes a movie has to offer. Taking that to be true, let’s explore the highlights of The Gameplan.

Okay, let me begin by saying that this trailer has some of the lamest writing for the voiceover I’ve ever heard, and that is saying something. With phrases like, “but the star quaterback who could take any hit… is about to have his bell wrung!” and, “He will demand discipline… but he never had to tackle a challenge this big!” It’s enough to make you want to kick the seat in front of you till the irritable guy sitting in it turns around and punches you in the face just so you can feel outwardly what is happening to you on the inside.

Now, lets go to jokes. From the moment that li’l Peyton arrives at Joe’s doorstep and proclaims that she is his daughter, it just turns into a laugh riot! (does sarcasm carry across on the internet?) At this moment of discovery, three things happen right in a row, the dog makes a “Whaaa?” noise, “Papa’s got a brand new bag” starts playing in the background, and Peyton waves a dolly in his face while saying “Hellooooooo!” After Peyton gives him the birth certificate that bears his name his says “My name’s not on here-…(then reads) Joe Kingman” and then cracks his neck. Why is this a joke? How is that even believable?

Many more of these jokes are just way too played out. They actually have a blender start without the lid on and make a mess! Wow, really? Hasn’t this already been done on every single movie and sitcom with children? How about something new for a change? It just gets better from there. From way too much bubblebath in the bathtub, to a tutu on the dog, to changing the football game to a show about ponies at a vital minute, The Gameplan promises to be a cornucopia of cliche. Oh, and cinnamon cookies may make your tongue swell up if you are allergic. But, they shouldn’t make you sound like one of the queer eye guys.

I want to point this out as well, a certain joke is used three times in this trailer. It is of course the rapid change of emotion bit, that is to say, going from really happy, to really angry/sad/or tough in a split second’s time. The over zealous babysitter does it when she gets fired, and the Rock does it after an impromptu water gun fight, and after he celebrates that Peyton caught a football throw. I’m not saying that bit can’t work or doesn’t have it’s place, but three times? In the trailer no less.

And I now would like to leave you with my final argument for not wasting your money on this movie, which also happens to be the worst line of the trailer. The Rock sets his daughter down, and in a plea to make her outrageous behavior stop he says this: “You’ve been playing “kid” your whole life, but I just joined the “dad” team”. See how that nicely wraps up the fact that he is both a football player and a new dad? Ugh! I will not see this movie, but once it comes to DVD, I may burn a copy. With a blow torch.

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03:56 am - Improv Writing
Improv Writing: The process of writing a short story, line by line, on the spot, without having an ending in mind.

Here is my first attempt.

Even on into the early morning, his restlessness persisted. Today would not be a pleasant day. It occured to him only too late that a double shot of mocha espresso is not an ideal nightcap. But he was kidding himself if he blamed it all on the caffiene, now leaving his body. He had a lot on his mind.

* * *

"Kenny?" she called. She always addressed him like a schoolboy. He never would answer verbally when called this way, as a sort of passive aggressive teaching tool: Verbal responses were a reward for addressing him correctly, silence, a punishment for error. This of course was completely lost on Rhonda, but it made him feel better. "Are you okay? You look ill."

"Fine." One word responses with no follow up explanation or eye contact was a good tactic too, he thought, but this too had no effect.

"Good, because I've been quite worried about you, you know. Well, anyway... Last night after work when I finally got home, I say finally because of that Wienstrum File that has been giving me so much trouble. Anyhoo, when I got home-" He stopped listening. Tuning her out was something that he was able to do with greater ease each day. He was now free to purouse his own thoughts at his leisure, and would not be subject to listening to every topic from proper rash ointments to the consistancy of her cat's fecal matter. She was indeed a tedious woman, who when left unchecked, would, no doubt, never give him back the solitude of his cubicle. It was time to try a different tactic: Truth.

"Rhonda, please. I am ungodly tired and have no patience to listen to your inane prattle." That would do the trick.

"Tired, huh? Have you ever tired Ambien? They say that it makes some people sleepwalk, and that some people have been even known to sleep eat and have sex with neighbors in their sleep on it, but it just makes me sleep better. You should try it! I think I have some in my purse."

"My dear lady, I have no wish to self medicate. And even if the pills were rammed down my throat, I doubt they would do me any good, as I have not slept since I killed a man." Her eyes widened.

"You killed someone? Why?"

"For the pleasure of it. To see if I could get away with it."

"Oh, my..." She was stunned. He had done it. Mission accomplished. She would leave him alone now. Now that she knew of his depravity, his lack of remorse. Monsters do not have, nor require friends. But she wasn't leaving. "What did you do with the body?"

"I weighed him down in the lake."

"Oh dear! You can't do that! They find those straight away. Now what I do, whenever I murder for fun, is encase them in a block of cement and dig a hole in my yard for it, to make it look as if I have a paved walkway. Fool proof. No one suspects a thing."

"You've killed? For fun?" It was his turn to be stunned.

"Oh yeah, have for years! Why do you think I take the Ambien?" A strange sensation overtook him. What was it? Amusement? They laughed. They laughed longer and louder than was appropriate.

"Rhonda, I think I may have misjudged you. Would you like to go for a coffee after work?"

"That sounds lovely... I'd kill for a cup." And laughter rang out through the office, and brightened everyone's day.

An employee in the background who saw his co-workers getting along so well, smiled and was heard to remark, "You know... there really is someone for everyone."

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August 2nd, 2007

03:54 am - The School of Rock: Muskegon
Rock and Roll! Today Robby and I had our first guitar lesson at Moore Music, and I must say, having had mediocre lessons elsewhere, the lessons there were quite well done. I'm actually excited about practicing now!

The guy first showed us into a tiny practice room, in which Robby almost immediately pointed at a picture on the wall of a guitarist and said, "Hey! That's Zack Wilde!" The teacher looked impressed and said, "Well done, He's my favorite."

He asked Robby what kind of music he wanted to learn and Robby said he wanted to learn that Blues rift that goes, "Duh-Duh-Da-Duh", as in "I woke up this mo-nin, Duh-Duh-Da-Duh, Got out of bed, Duh-Duh-Da-Duh... ect."

He also taught us the beginings to songs we knew, like smoke on the water, cat scratch fever, sweet home alabama, and enter sandman. It's cool being able to try and play things I know!

We also made a comment about robby liking guitar hero, and he began to play some Kansas, and robby goes, "OH! That's Carry On My Wayward Son!" The guy was kinda impressed with robby. He gave him a zebra striped guitar strap free of charge. Then we ate at Qdoba.

We finished the last episode of six feet under today. That show was so good and the ending was superb, it gave me chills. Mom cried alot.

Tomorrow we are going up to my aunt suzie and uncle mike's cabin in white cloud. I'm looking forward to relaxing, knitting, reading, writing, and fishing, and maybe practicing some guitar, now that i'm all musical and stuff. Robby will be sooo good at guitar by the time he is my age, it's going to be ridiculous. If he can play the guitar and turns out to be good looking, he is going to be eligible for so much booty it's going to be ridiculous. He better behave himself. Is it weird to already be jealous of the man somebody might become someday?

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August 1st, 2007

03:17 am - Plan-P
I dropped urine this morning for random drug testing. They said it was random, but I think it was because I screwed up the time I was supposed to be a work one day, so now they think I'm too high to get my schedule right.

So They told me on sunday(on that day it was closed) and then I show up for work monday(almost late, because my alarm didn't go off) and my boss, Tammy, asked me if I dropped it yet. I said no, not yet, you just gave it to me yesterday and I was running late this morning. She said, "Well, when we say you need to be tested, we don't mean, do it whenever, we mean do it now", like they were trying to catch me off guard and I was trying to wait until these drugs i'm supposedly on leave my system. I didn't think it was a big deal, because no matter when I go in, today, last week, next month, It will be clean.

I rode with Mom to the drop place, and on the way I say, "Hey, on the way there, could we stop for a lemon poppy seed muffin?" We laughed.

So I go in, and the pee-lady told me I only had to fill it up like a fouth of an inch or so, but I go in, fill up the cup to near the top almost instantly, come back out, and ask her if she needs anymore. she says no, and tells me to just go and flush the rest after taking only a very small percent of what I contributed. I felt a bit dumb, like I did extra credit for nothing.

I don't understand how people can get pee shy. I was just a machine, I could fill cups all day, at a moments notice. I could go pee right now, if i wanted to. I don't really want to, but I could.

Then the best part is, I go to work today, go up to Tammy and say, "I dropped my urine this morning" to which she replies, "What? What are you talking about? I don't need to know that..." "For the drug test..." i say, and she says "Oh! Yeah! Good."

I can only imagine how much that situation would suck for someone who actually did drugs. I understand why some people would rather just go to Fashion Bug.

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July 30th, 2007

03:38 am - Wall Flowers & Yellow Rangers
Why can I not keep a regular personal secret journal, like Mr. Braden for example? Well, it's simple really, I believe I am far to clever and witty to keep my thoughts all to myself. What would be the point of writing just for me? If I need to be entertained by writing, I'll read something somebody else wrote.

My first solo DJ gig went well last night, I must say. An aquantance of mine was in the wedding party. Her name is Cassidy (formerly Hudson) Carlysle, and we did some theater together at some point I imagine, and some classes together as well. But I had fun and wasn't as stressed out as I thought I would be in the time leading up to it... and there were a whole lot of cute girls there. All of them were married by the looks of it, so my plans of putting on an extra long slow song and asking one of the shy wallflowers to dance were all foiled. I have another gig this saturday at someone's home here in muskegon. I have no idea where but in someone's home will either mean it will be much less pressure, or they will think they have more of a right to yell at me. I am hoping for the former, but expecting the latter. It looks also as if I will be the DJ for something called "The Lumberbaron's Ball", and it takes place at the Museum. How awesome is that?

I saw Mr. Matt Perley at the Cinema tonight, which was something, because he moved away to China and Chicago without saying goodbye to me, and I thought we were chums. So I gave him a hard time about it, but eventually we patched things up with a hug... a man hug. Next time I hit Chi-town, he is going to take me around to his favorite haunts and introduce me to the asian love of his life. I don't know her name, but just for good measure I'm going to refer to her as Ping-Lee. Now, Ping-Lee, or Pingy as I imagine Mr. Perley would call her if that was indeed her name, is cute from the pictures I've seen. Mr. Perley and I have always shared this common trait, we kinda have a thing for asian girls. For me, it was because I had a thing for Trini the yellow power ranger when I was little, for Mr. Perley, I imagine it's just because he enjoys the innate subserviant nature or asian women. I'm not saying that that is something that I myself wouldn't enjoy as well, but I guess I'm just not as much of a sexist/racist as Mr. Perley is... He should be ashamed. (next time you leave without saying goodbye, mr. perley, remember that I do have a livejournal, and your name can up in it, and after the above, I think you may see why you'd want to keep mr. dressel happy...) Really though, I love you man, can't wait to come down and meet her.

Next time I go down, aside from "Hangin' with Mr. Perley" I wish to see "Wicked", some more shows at second city, and visit another Magic Masters shop to buy some more tricks. That is where I learn the dark arts of magic and mystify my co-workers, such as Jami and Emily. Muhahaha.

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July 28th, 2007

04:45 am - Drive Safe Everybody!
Today was an exciting day!

First of all tonight was my last trainee DJ session and tomorrow is my first solo gig. I hope I don't screw up anyone's special memories.

But now on to the good stuff. Late last night I got an e-mail from a guy I know about an audition coming up for a series dinner theatre shows. Paid acting gigs, mind you. So I e-mailed the gal he told me about and this morning I had an e-mail back from her asking if I could be in holland by 6:00 tonight. So I scrambled, called my bosses, asked if I could be late since I was working a show with them anyway, and promply e-mailed my resume and headshot. I met with my possible fellow actor, his wife, and the producer lady. Cold read two scenes, which, I must say, I think went quite well. I don't want to jinx it or anything, but I really feel like I hit it off with these people. Oh well, here's hoping. Now I just have to think of a long list of reasons it would be better for me not to have this part, and really get used to the idea of not having it, and then I'll have a better shot, cosmicly, of getting it. Okay so here we go:

Holland is like 45 Minutes away
I'd have to ask for time off work
Less Money
More gas consumption
Even less money
Less evenings to read with Robby
I'd miss all the fall line up of new primetime shows on Fox and ABC affiliates

wow, I hope I don't get this part! My life would suck!

(there, now i'll probably get it)

The wedding I did tonight was pretty awesome once I got there. The groom was a former navy commando diver who worked on a mission to siphon oil out of a sunken WWII tanker, and the bride was a beautiful nanny from south africa. Her family hadn't even met the groom until three days prior to the wedding. And her dad made a speech about how he'd told the groom that it was customary in his country for the groom to present the father of the bride with cattle when asking for her hand in marriage. And, his accent was pretty thick, but I gathered that he didn't get him cattle, but a Harley instead. I think the grooms family was really wealthy. I heard people there(this was at the muskegon country club) saying things like, "Oh! You can see the boat we just bought in the docks from here!"

They were a really nice kind group of people though, and they asked my to stay an hour overtime, which means I got an extra fifty bucks for one hours work. That kinda makes up for being late. They had this little kid who was the ring bearer tearing up the dance floor all night long. It was a cool night. After my boss left I played "man i feel like a woman" and at that part, I'd go up to dancing guys and have them say it as manly as they could. Also the brides brother, who as also south african, sang a song and played his guitar. It was an original song, but I was so impressed. He had such a great sound, kinda like James Blunt. He and I quoted some spinal tap back and forth, and I was going to ask him what was the deal with him not having an accent when he sung, but I never got around to it. And I ended by saying something like: "You people are beautiful. If your life has half as much joy and love in it as I've felt in this room tonight, you are off to a great start. Drive safe everybody!"

Mom broke robby's guitar string yesterday almost right after he opened it, so before all that stuff today, we went to a guitar shop to get it fixed. We went to moore music, because in the commercial the guy who runs the store was yelling at muskegon because no one goes to their store. Robby and I may be getting weekly lessons in rock now. Which is cool, cause I want to play the guitar, but I cannot teach myself. I don't have the gumption.

We'll see how long me being able to update this journal will go. Enjoy it while it lasts people.

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July 27th, 2007

04:01 am - Robby's 7th birthday recap
Do not eat a Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean the flavor of Rotten Egg... That seriously messed up my whole day.

Improv was good today! A good turnout and some great concepts. Light bulbs switched on as some of us figured out the "Bang" game. I hope Zarht has fun working Escanaba tonight, lucky punk. It's all sold out.. so whatever did TJ and Lorrell do on their date this evening? I'm not bitter.

Hehe, I'm happy for my lad TJ, but it is odd having the stylish loafer on the other foot as far as being the single friend who has the friend who is dating. Espically when that friend is TJ. Call me shallow, but there was something about TJ's perpetual availability that I really depended on. Now what am I too do? Be alone? But seriously TJ, have a good time, don't worry about li'l ol' me. Is there such a thing as a male spinster?

Robby had a great birthday, we ate cake and disgusting flavored jelly beans. We played 80's guitar hero, which prompted the following dialog:

Robby: Nic, I want to rock out "18 and Life" with you.

Nic: Okay, sweet! Do you know who sings that?

Robby: Skid Row.

Nic: You are the coolest little brother ever!

Robby: We gonna rock this or not?

Nic: Yes sir!

....he's seven.

We also took a trip to my dads graves today too, me, him and mom. We did it on the way back from errends. I asked aloud, why are we going there and mom said robby wanted to go see them. "Why?" I asked. He said, "I want to see if the grave stone says: Here lies Bernie, He was loved." We gave him a weird look and he said, "What? I get this stuff from TV." He also said he wanted to check Ron's headstone to see if it said, "Douchebag". Then we laughed really hard. We laughed really hard at a dead guys expense. Take that dead guy.

We rounded out the evening by reading some prisoner of azkaban, He was shocked when harry's nimbus 2000 was distroyed by the whomping willow.

Mom and I then had a late night, kids in bed rock session, until rob came home, at which time we had tea and watched six feet under, we are now in the fifth season. A good day, except for the part where I had to take out the garbage with the broken mirror in the rain, and that wretched jelly bean. Those parts were lame.

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July 25th, 2007

04:22 am - Robby's 7th/Harry's 7th
Robby's Birthday is Thursday and I got him two gifts but I made him open one today. I got him the Guitar Hero Encore: 80's Edition that came with a free wristband I might add.

He'll get to open present number two on his actually birthday, a big box of Bertie Bott's Everyflavor Beans. With soap, earthworm, vomit, earwax, sausage, pickle, and black pepper. awesome.

I finished Deathly Hallows in like two days, and am now in my second readthrough. I loved it. So much. It did everything I needed it to do and more. I hope that J. K. Rowling will write something else. I know she's done with Harry, but her style is just so excellent. I devour her writing. As Chris Hayes would say, Her "Tasty Words". I hope it will be as facinating and not be a big let down, like K. A. Applegates post Animorphs attempt at a popular series: "Everworld"... They sucked big time.

The Hairspray show we did at the cinema this past weekend went really well. The three people who came to watch us really liked it. Seriously, where were the people that weekend? Is "Bike Time" really that popular?

I'm in the fourth season of Six Feet Under. Mom, Rob and I are quite obcessed. We don't know what we'll do when we finish it. We'll probably re-watch Rome in anticipation of the release of the second season. HBO has good shows. Extras is great and TJ is talking me into watching Deadwood.

Robby and I are in the 8th chapter of Prisoner of Azkaban. We are cruising along at a nice pace, and he is loving it. And reading aloud is really helping with my cold reading skills. The movies are really helpful in the sense that it's easier to imitate the voices of the actors than to have to create voices yourself. Robby thinks I do a really good Hermione, Hagrid, Lockheart, and Trelawny. I think my Ron is pretty good too. I just do harry in my own voice because I am doing far too many variations on the english accent as it is, not to mention, when I read a book, I always imagine the main character is myself. I don't think that's Narcisism, is it? If it is, I guess I don't mind it.

I might be going to stratford, Canada for the shakespeare festival!

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July 19th, 2007

06:46 pm - I got an advanced copy of Deathly Hallows
and spoiler alert:

Hermione's a dude,

Voldemort is the ghost of Harry's father, whose real name was Rosebud,

and on the last page Harry wakes up in bed with Suzanne Pleshette.

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July 15th, 2007

04:51 am - Pretentious Crap
Do I dare not to take a chance?

How must I look with my eyes closed?

I could listen to myself if I'd just stop talking.

I could play an instrument right now if I could stick to lessons.

I have a ton of time to waste but never any time to do what I need to do.

How many new starts must I give myself before I realize that my new starts are just a lifelong habit of giving up.

The single me wants nothing more that to find the perfect woman. The committed me realizes too late that he hasn't found her and wants nothing more than to be left alone.

None of these thoughts are original, but I don't think that I have ever posted a typical angsty lj entry, so wallah! I kinda started out kidding, but then it changed.

skip this entry, Please.

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June 30th, 2007

02:44 am - My Disney World Vacation 2007

My Public Shoebox

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June 4th, 2007

01:49 am - Another story of oppression
Recently, I was interested in maybe being a contributing writer to a comedy website. Most of the "comedy" on the site were pieces on porno, abortions, and peeing in the shower, but I thought maybe I could class the joint up a bit. I sent her a couple of things I wrote, including my "To My Black Girl" and my "Baby Vote or Die" pieces. She didn't pick me up because she thought my work was too racist. Who is this new Jessie Jackson fighting indignities?

Her name is Alexis

Incase you can't tell from this appropriately black and white picture, she is white.

Between her and MTV, I'm feeling a bit down. Why is it that the only people that have told me my work is racist are white people! Any person of color that has heard doesn't think it's racist and really likes it! I have a ton of comments on youtube telling me it's not racist and funny!

I think Emma said it best:

"White people feel the need to be offended by things that are unoffensive to them because there really isn't anything to offend them with. White people are just too sensitive."

Is that it? Are we white people suffering from martyr envy? People that are that uptight about things like that only give those words more power. Get over it. Black people exist and white people are aware of them! There are differences between white people and black people, nothing negitive, just differences. Black comics point them out all the time! White guys walk like this, black guys walk like that, ect. I guess the biggest difference is that Black comics can talk about white people like this, but White comics can't talk about black people like that.

I thought that our goal to strive for was equality, not these uncomfortable double standards. If we are afraid to say what we are thinking, that is going to drive an even big wedge between the races. I have a dream, that white comics and black comics can be free to critique and point out the oddities of one another in a good natured way without fear of being ostracized.

My black friends, I now have a little taste of what you've been talking about. The white man sucks. He's keeping me down. But I'll keep on keepin' on. Fight the Power. Right on.

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May 22nd, 2007

02:37 am - 3000
To My Black Girl (or TMBG) just broke 3000 hits on youtube! Boo-Yah!

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May 19th, 2007

06:41 pm - MTV called me a Racist.
Hey all,

I dunno if you saw that Human Giant 24 Hour Marathon, but I was a part of the show! I was a caller and got to read (most of) my poem, "To My Black Girl", on air. I read it for the call screener, and she loved it, so she moved me up to have my own little segment. On air with the guys, I explained that this was a poem to a fictional black girlfriend that I hope to have someday in the future. They all braced themselves for me to say something bad and were ready to cut me off immediately, as this whole show was a means as to prove they had a fan base and stay on T.V. for a second season. I got through most of it with them chuckling, but right after I got to the part about "is me paying for dinner considered reperations?" they disconnected me and started going on and on about how I'm a "racist poet". Anyone who has heard the whole poem knows better. I posted a bit about it on their message board, but they kept deleting all my posts. Not cool guys.. For trying to be cutting edge comedians, you sure seem to get flustered easily. I thought I would have been better understood by those guys, as I hope to one day do what they do. Ah well, it still made for a very entertaining bit of television, and I like to think, in my own way, I help there ratings and in doing such, helped keep them on the air.

On a more positive note, this little hub bub has made my poem a bit more famous. On youtube, it has gotten over 1,200 hits now. Help me raise it even higher by checking it out again at:


Thanks guys!

-Nicholas Dressel

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April 29th, 2007

03:58 am - SNL Digital Short: Dear Sister

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April 28th, 2007

12:11 pm - HP for the kiddies
Well, I've just finished re-reading the whole Harry Potter series. For me, It just gets better everytime. Now, I'm back reading the works of Palahniuk, but, a chapter a night, I have started reading the Potter saga to the baby bro. Tonight, we tackle chapter four of book 1: the keeper of the keys. He's really into it too, he's stopped me reading more than once to recount the ways that he would, quote, "Punch the Dursleys in the face", end quote.

Did studio on stage not to long ago, and the improv group kicked some theatrical boo-tay. Our improv's were great, espically the final evening's one about the enchanted forest, and the scene I wrote for Nate and I to perform called "The Captives" was met with roaring, tumultous applause.

CeeCee's trying to get hired at the cinema. I hope she does, that would be awesome. She could come to the thursday night sneaks with me and we could eat taco bell, make fun of the bad movie i'm forced to review, and be merry.

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April 14th, 2007

02:42 am - Christopher Walken Quotes
“These boots were made for Walken.”

~ Nancy Sinatra on Christopher Walken's boots

“If I were dead, he would be the sexiest man alive.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Christopher Walken

“Oh yeah.......he, and, I....were in......the same.... public speaking class......in school.”

~ William Shatner on Christopher Walken

“This one time, I was in a fight with Chuck Norris and I yelled, "Watch out, Christopher Walken is behind you!" and he shit his pants.”

~ Jack Bauer on Christopher Walken

“This one time, I was in a fight with Jack Bauer, and I screamed "Christopher Walken is right behind you!" and he wet his pants like a little girl.”

~ Chuck Norris on Christopher Walken

“This one time, I found out Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer were using his name to scare each other in fights, so I told Chris, "Hey, they're using your name to scare each other when they're fighting", and so Chris went to the fight and stabbed them both in the eye with a rusty spork.”

~ John Wayne on Christopher Walken

“He could go with this, or he could go with that. ”

~ Fatboy Slim on Christopher Walken

“He scares me.”

~ Satan on Christopher Walken

“That's the sweetest pair of tits I've ever seen.”

~ Mel Gibson on Christopher Walken

“He wore this watch up his ass for five years.”

~ Bruce Willis on Christopher Walken

“You see I love being scary but I also love hotdogs too. ”

~ Christopher Walken on being scary

“Is his face supposed to be melting? ”

~ Hitler on Christopher Walken

“I'll beat his ass again if I have to. ”

~ Batman on Christopher Walken

“I don't like your tone, you see, it's all wrong, talk to me like that again, and I'll stab you in the face... With a soldering iron. ”

~ Christopher Walken on Batman

“... ”

~ Batman on Christopher Walken

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March 30th, 2007

12:58 pm - My Celebrity Look-alikes
My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

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March 5th, 2007

02:15 am - 3 is a Charm
The Giver.
Gathering Blue.

And excellent book trilogy by Lois Lowry that I suggest to everyone.

I haven't heard from my sister in over a month now...
My mom has heard from her more recently than that, but for her it's been over a week.

I am so looking forward to Tuesday. To start off with, I am begining my padawan training to become a certified DJ. There will be a set-up and tear-down of equipment and a run-down of how to do all the essential things a DJ needs to do, make announcements, keep the party going, play the chicken dance, ect. After that, My improv groupies will reform after a short break we had due to "Our Town", Weather Difficulties, and a mild heart attack from one of the posse. After that, and I would say best of all, is my second date with Kate. I am going to her house to watch a movie. I believe the movie is "Formula 51", I don't know of the quality of the movie, but if it's bad, I can just poke fun of it in true MST3K style. And it will be great to see her again. That will be two dates. After three dates we can call ourselves something official.

Until Tuesday, I'll just have to make due with Monday. A day in which I will babysit Robby in the morning, and go to the Movies with TJ in the afternoon. Perhaps we will see Zodiac, Black Snake Moan, Amazing Grace, or some combination therewith. Also, there is a new episode of 24 to think about...

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March 4th, 2007

03:21 am - It's as true today as the day it was written
I went on a date and it went well. Yay!

Here's a small tip for all you young casanovi out there:

From the "Ye Olde Book of Suave Mansmanship"

"Yea Verily, Iffen you take a young lass to thine backseat of thine carriage,
for the purposes of Make-Out-ery, Makest thou sure that thou turnith thine
carriage engine on from time to time to maketh sure that your ye olde
battery does not drain completely and maketh you look quite the stranded fool"

There will be a second date with Kate.

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